Serie A side Catania has come up with a creative way to score from a free kick: block the goalkeeper’s vision by having players drop their shorts down in a wall. It worked on Sunday, as Giuseppe Mascara scored in Sunday’s 3-2 win over Torino. Three Catania players dropped trou and screened Torino goalkeeper Matteo Sereni.

The video is a bit tough to see, and the dropping is pretty subtle, but watch the wall close to the keeper. Gotta be hard to concentrate with that much Italian ass staring you in the face.

The Leagues

First things first. To get the most out of your soccer season, you need to start small. Narrow your focus and you will have a much better time.

The first choice you have is what league to follow. The big 3 leagues in Europe are the English Premier, La Liga (Spain) and Serie A (Italy). Virtually all the top players in the world play in one of those 3 European leagues.

If you are looking for North American television coverage, you’ll probably have the best luck with the English league and Serie A (through Telelatino), although the French league is carried by some French Canadian specialty channels. However, while French football is great at an international level, their domestic league is considered a tad below that of the top 3. It will be tough for you to catch any La Liga games.

Styles of play vary from league to league. It is considered the English game is a bit more physical than the Italian or Spanish leagues. Italy has the added drama of playing out like a soap opera, so if you like tension and drama off the pitch, Serie A might be a good one for you.

The Teams

Once you have picked a league to follow, leave your neutral status behind and pick a team. Doesn’t matter if you know anything about them or not, just pick one and follow them. The season is much more interesting if you have someone to root for. And, being a neutral, if you pick wrong then next season you can drop em and start again.

If you decide England, the big 4 teams are Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea. Those 4 teams win practically everything there is for English teams to win. After that, Newcastle, Aston Villa, and Tottenham seem to have sizeable fan bases, but be warned. If you follow any one of those teams, they have a tendency to break fan hearts.

Each of the big 4 have their own personality and style of play. Manchester United are an attacking club who will score lots of goals. Arsenal can move the ball like no other team. They have flow and when they are on they are a real pleasure to watch. But they are young and probably will falter a few times this season. Chelsea is considered a team built by money with lots of big names and there are a few footie fans who scoff at the success of Chelsea in recent years saying they have bought their way to the top. Liverpool is considered something of a blue collar team. If Don Cherry were into soccer, Liverpool would be his team. Mind you, with the recent influx of Spanish players into their lineup, Liverpool is becoming a side that can play with some style.

If you are looking for Canadian angles, Tottenham has Canadian international Paul Stalteri on their roster, while Newcastle has David Edgar in the ranks. Portsmouth, West Ham, Middlesbourough and Blackburn also have Canucks in their development or reserve teams, but don’t expect them to see much action this year.

In Italy, the big clubs are AC Milan, Inter Milan and Juventus and the rivalries are fierce. AC Milan are the current European champions, beating Liverpool in the Champions League last season (more on that later). As far as I know, there are no Canadians in Serie A right now.

In Spain, there is a big Canadian presence at Deportivo La Coruna in midfielder Julian De Guzman, one of the shining lights in Canadian soccer. Deportivo is an important club in Spain – they finished first in 2000, but they pale in comparison to the top 2 Spanish clubs, Real Madrid and Barcelona. Between the 2 of them they have capture 17 of the last 20 La Liga crowns.

The Players

If you decide to choose a pro team to follow team on national lines, you should know that pretty well every top flight team picks and chooses players from around the world. Gone are the days when English teams were primarily English players. The same can be said for Spain and Italy, so it is hard to pick a club team based on national ties.

Here is where some of the current crop of star players are at.

• Manchester United: Wayne Rooney, Christiano Ronaldo, Ryan Giggs
• Arsenal: Robin Van Persie, Cesc Fabergas
• Liverpool: Stephen Gerrard, Fernando Torres, Peter Crouch
• Chelsea: Didier Drogba, Michael Ballack, Andriy Shevchenko, John Terry
• AC Milan: Kaka, Ronaldo, Allesandro Nesta
• Juventus: Gianluigi Buffon, Pavel Nedved, Alessandro Del Piero
• Inter-Milan: Patrick Viera, Luis Figo, Zlatan Ibrahimovic
• Barcelona: Ronaldhino, Thierry Henry, Lionel Messi
• Real Madrid: Raul, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, Fabio Cannavaro

In my next post: The Champions League and the major competitions in Europe.

I’m jealous. I only got clothes.

Perhaps I should reconsider my reluctance to follow Italian soccer. I mean, this kind of stuff is infinitely more entertaining to follow than the latest EPL tapping up scandal.

As expected the proverbial crap hit the fan in Italy today.

Juventus, Lazio and Fiorentina all get the boot to Serie B, with Juventus being stripped of their last two Serie A titles. To add to the injury, Juve start the Serie B season 30 points down, meaning they probably won’t be making it back up to A for a few years (Fiorentina were dinged 12 points and Lazio 7). AC Milan will stay in Serie A, but start the season at -15.

Juventus has pulled their first team roster from their website. Let the feeding frenzy begin!